You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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