I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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