No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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