she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
