I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
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