K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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