Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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