My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
