we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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