I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
