Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
