i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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