was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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