Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
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He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
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I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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