I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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