im drinking this country out of the recession.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
