Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
