Just mADE A PArabola og urine
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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