guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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