ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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