don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
