guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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