do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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