one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I stole a fireplace last night.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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