i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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