I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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