why didn't you poke me back
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
