If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
