Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
