and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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