life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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