she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
