So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
