just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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