I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
