PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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