Will you blow on my dice?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
