You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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