if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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