well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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