I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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