fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
