sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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