I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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