My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
