so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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