i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
