Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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