I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
what the fuck happened to the tacos
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
