dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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