Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
