On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
