Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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