I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
