I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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