i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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