last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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