I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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