We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
