I can't breathe out the right side of my face
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
