why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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