I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Randomize
