Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
