Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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