i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You are the jesus of drinking
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
