The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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