Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize