I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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