i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
