Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
