Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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