Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
