Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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