How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
