I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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