Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
