I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
