I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
