the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
