dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
