I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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