youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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